Sunday, September 9, 2007

The Balding Man Cometh.

It's 2002. The Texans are placed in the newly adjusted confrence, AFC, more specifically, the AFC South. The Texans have just drafted David Carr, a phenomenal quarterback out of the WAC school, Fresno State. We have a great core of veteran players including former Raven Jamie Sharper, former Colt Steve McKinney, former Jet Aaron Glenn, and former Jaguars Gary Walker, Seth Payne, and Tony Boselli. Football is back in Houston and Reliant is rocking. The Cowboys are in town for the team's first game in franchise history. 19-10. We'll never forget that game. 19-10. The touchdown pass to Billy Miller is one that is forever etched in the souls of the Texans faithful. 19-10. The future is bright. We just beat the state rivals. We're undefeated as a franchise. All is looking up.

What went wrong? Didn't we do everything right? Aaron Glenn and Gary Walker were bona fide pro bowlers. Tony Boselli was a lock for the hall of fame. Carr looked like the next strong armed legend from California. It just never fit. Was it Casserly's fault? Caper's? Whoever is to blame, the offensive line was just that, offensive. They had one of the worst years in NFL history, allowing a record 76 sacks. Boselli never played. Gary Walker didn't last long. McKinney...well, he just isn't a pro bowler, to put it nicely. Our cap was bent and broken because of all of the dead money we placed into players that collected a check without really earning it. After a 2-14 season, all looked lost. We were the new Buccaneers of the NFL.

Then came the revolution. The townspeople revolted and beheaded Casserly and Capers, putting an end to the woeful era. Well, actually, they were just fired. Casserly now works for CBS and Capers is Miami's defensive coordinator. Taking their place are former Denver offensive coordinator Gary Kubiak and also from Denver, the great young GM, Rick Smith. Gone are Gary Walker, Jamie Sharper, Jay Foreman, Tony Boselli, and Ryan Young. Now taking their spots are Mario Williams, DeMeco Ryans, Amobi Okoye, Erik Winston, and (hopefully) Charles Spencer. The 2006 season ended 6-10, with a 4-4 finish, including a win over the eventual Super Bowl champion, the Colts.

And now we end up with today, September 9th, 2007. Carr is no longer our leerless feeder...err...fearless leader. The Texans face the Kansas City Chiefs, who many pundits pick to make the playoffs. They feature one of the league's best running backs, the reincarnation of Earl Campbell, Larry Johnson. We are being led by the balding man from above(also known as Atlanta) Matt Schaub. The game starts like any other Texans game, disappointing and predictable offense and underachieving defense. But then, fate shines down on us lowly Texans fans by giving us a beautiful pitch and catch between Matt Schaub and 2 time Pro Bowler Andre Johnson. Oh, and by pitch and catch, I mean a 77 yard beauty of a touchdown. Okay, things are looking up. Then we hold the Chiefs scoreless. Pretty good, not bad. Then, the incredible bust known as Mario Williams turns it on. He picks up a fumble and rumbles down the sidelines for his first career touchdown. Yeah, we should have taken Vince Young or Reggie Bush.

The rest of the game is just a party. We celebrate the new Texans, the start of the Schaub dynasty. The town has been rejuvenated, shot with 23 deadly CCs of pure adrenaline. The kind folks in the Atlanta Falcons front office must be kicking themselves after seeing the thrilling performance of Matt Schaub, while Mike Vick replaces Adam Sandler in "The Longest Yard." Carr must be elated in Carolina to know that the team is much improved with his loss. But, we shouldn't worry. Let's celebrate, for the balding man cometh.

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